From Miss to Mrs.: My Name Change Journey
When I got married, one of the most daunting tasks I faced was changing my last name. For those who don’t know, my maiden name was Goldstein, but I chose to take my husband's last name, Koluder. Looking back, I wish I had known how to navigate the process in the easiest way possible. After doing my own research, I realized there’s no simple one-step solution—there are many steps and options to consider when tackling this task. Among my married and engaged friends, this is a frequent topic of conversation, often leading to frustration. The challenges were even greater during the COVID-19 pandemic, when public offices were closed or operating on limited hours. I got married in 2021, at the height of the pandemic, and like many others, I had to delay changing my name until resources became more accessible. Now, I’m ready to share my tips and tricks for making the name change process as stress-free as possible.
When planning your wedding, don’t forget to account for the officiant—after all, marriage is not only a personal milestone but also a legal one. In my case, we opted for a small legal ceremony before our main celebration, so we were technically married a month before the big event. After the legal ceremony, you should receive information from your local office on how to obtain a copy of your marriage license, usually initiated by your officiant. It’s a good idea to order several copies for backup. I personally requested 10, which may be excessive, but it gives me peace of mind in case I ever need one unexpectedly. It’s also recommended to keep a copy of your marriage license on hand, especially when traveling or dealing with any situations where proof of marriage might be required.
One of the most common questions that I have seen online is ‘Where do I start?’ The short answer is this process has taken me several months to complete - even now, I have encountered some new items that I have to update my name for as I write this post. The short of it is that there is no exact timetable: you complete it at your own pace. There are some circumstances where there is a deadline. In an interesting conversation that I had before changing my name with the Social Security office, if I had waited too long, then, instead of my driver’s license, some offices would have required seeing my medical records (this would have taken effect if it was two years after our marriage). I am still not sure if this is still the case, but I found this intriguing.
If you can afford the added luxury of picking out one of the many name-change packages available, I would highly recommend you buy one. I used Hitch Switch, a package that was advertised to me frequently - I opted for the Platinum package which was only $109 (after additional taxes and fees). To say that this was beneficial would be an understatement. The service fills out the forms for you and guides you step-by-step through this cumbersome process. It was a true lifesaver - both saving time and stress!
It should be noted that you should bring the appropriate forms if you are using these services for the correct appointment (if the form is for Social Security, then bring the form for SSA to this appointment, etc). If you are opting to fill out the forms completely on your own, be sure to read and correctly fill in the appropriate bubbles - you do not want to have incorrect/misprinted information on your new documentation!
So now, where do I even begin? The truth is you can start from anywhere, but the main suggested starting point was that you talked to Social Security. The main reason why this was the first step I took was because your Social Security number will remain the same, but your name ultimately will change. This will be the catalyst for name changing - by going to SSA, you will also be notifying the IRS of your name change. The Social Security office (SSA) also hypothetically takes the longest to change. From my experience, this was not the case, but it could vary based on where you live/ability to get to an office. Granted, you have to go to the office early in the morning to even have a chance of getting this done and continuing to have a productive day, but this is one of those times where ‘the early bird gets the worm'. All you needed for this appointment was to walk in take your old Social Security card, and then provide your documentation: your driver’s license, your marriage license, and any other appropriate documentation. You can also bring your passport if you do not have a driver’s license.
While you’re waiting for your Social Security card, you should also work on reapplying for a passport. The process for getting a passport has greatly fluctuated since the COVID-19 pandemic, with it sometimes being slow and other times being reasonably quick. Fill out the correct forms for your passport and then submit all required documentation. Don't worry - once you have gotten your new passport, you will also receive your old passport back in case you need to refer to it for any reason. Best of all, as we continue to make strides within the digital age, you can also track the progress of your passport, and even submit the request online.
In the case of either updating your passport or even getting a new one, one of the requirements for submission will be to get a photo of yourself. You cannot just use any filtered selfie or school portrait- there is a specific list of requirements and specific sizing for the photo that the passport office will accept. Some services, like Hitch Switch for an additional fee, provide you with a passport- approved sized photo that you can send along with your application. I would highly recommend if you have the funds to do so utilizing the additional fee to get this done.
After you have gotten your Social Security card done and are waiting for your passport (or if you want to wait for it, that is fine as well), you will now face the hardest step of the journey: your local DMV. I know, we all get super anxious when we think about the wait times and the strenuous work that goes into going to the DMV. However, it is a necessary step and it should be done once you have your new Social Security card in hand. When you visit the DMV, it’s best to arrive early in the morning or schedule the earliest available appointment. Make sure to bring all your updated documentation, including your marriage license. When you're at the DMV, don't forget to update your name on not just your driver’s license, but also your vehicle title, registration, and voter registration information. This ensures everything matches up and saves you an extra trip. Be sure to complete all the necessary forms prior to your visit to avoid any delays and save you the time and hassle.
Once you've taken care of those three key updates, the rest is straightforward. You'll need to inform your bank, employer, credit/debit card companies, landlord, utility providers, phone, internet services, and any other organizations you interact with regularly about your name change. Each company may have a different process, but they will all require a copy of your marriage license. Be sure to consult their websites/customer services to help you on the right path to changing your name.
Even now, I’m still going through and updating my name with all of my subscription services. These are the smaller, less frequent services I use for personal enjoyment or those I don’t rely on daily, like my EZ Pass or streaming platforms. As I mentioned before, from this point forward, the process is at your own pace.
One question I’m often asked is whether to change your name before or after a trip. Personally, if you’re planning to travel within a few months of getting married, I’d recommend starting the name change process after you return. However, if your honeymoon is around the same time as your wedding, especially if you’re traveling internationally, it’s best to update at least your passport or driver’s license beforehand. If you're in a bind, always carry a copy of your marriage license to explain your situation to travel agents or airport staff.
The process of changing your name is never easy, but once you have completed the bulk majority of the tasks associated with it, as well as having a little assistance from a service if necessary, then you can progress on enjoying married life and your new name.
Congratulations on this momentous accomplishment - go and celebrate your new name!
