2024: A Year of Rumination
It was not a roller coaster, but rather a steep drop that can take a while to recover from.
As the holiday season comes to a close, we have come to the point in our annual traditions of reflecting on the previous year, whether fondly remembering or being remorseful for the choices that have been cemented.
Generally, when one reflects on the year as a whole, we tend to keep the good memories at the forefront, basking in the happiness that those times felt within us. Whereas with the bad memories, we tend to push to the back of our minds, in the darkest trenches, never to be heard from again. In truth, they never truly leave us - they echo in our minds, especially when the end of the year creeps around the corner. It’s not so much as reflection or reminiscing but rather, rumination.
One definition of rumination is a repetitive thought process that involves dwelling on negative feelings, distress, and their causes and consequences. As I was trying to figure out what I was calling to label 2024 as, it was not so much of a question of the good that has happened - rather, it was the parts where I had to be mindful, in a constant spiral of negative thought process which looped continuously in the mind without end or completion. Some of these thoughts were a common theme amongst family, friends, and the general public, whereas others were more of a personal battle.
As with any other year, 2024 came and went, leaving its mark on society and notching another hole in its belt. I have been seeing advertisements that 2024 was “iconic”, but I do not believe that is a word that would adequately describe the year that has just occurred. This year, I learned some very harsh lessons and rather than shoving them into the darkest corners of my mind, I’d rather put them up front for me to confront directly.
As another year comes to a close, I find myself on the precipice, a very familiar feeling that I always have when I sit down and reflect upon everything that has occurred. This year is no exception. However, I find myself with more negative internal thoughts than ever before. Perhaps it was because of some key events throughout the year that defined not only parts of my life, but has personally affected those around me in the world at large. With ruminating, one of the many side effects is worrying about the future and trying to predict how something will turn out. At the beginning of 2024, I did not expect the events that did occur to play out as they did, but throughout nearly every single day that I can recall, I was worrying about the outcomes.
I felt as if I had gone through a gamma of emotions throughout the last year. Every single thought came to my mind for every negative event that occurred. It was sometimes simple as placing my trust in another banking institution, for example, however, because of being gaslit by one of their employees, my trust in them was shaken. This wasn't the only money-related thing that happened this year - I fell for one of the oldest email scams in the books at my place of employment (everything was resolved, thank goodness). At work, I made mistakes that evolved into a whirlwind of a conflict – with my mistake being some form of a catalyst, which I fully admit, other events that transpired afterward that were out of my control. I can't say much about it because it's still going through the proper channels, but if they need anything from me, I, unlike others, will not hide and admit everything.
As I reflect back on the last year, November was a pivotal month, not just for me, professionally and personally, but for the nation. It also didn't help because of the outcome of the election, which also did not help my mental health in the slightest as it divided the world. As most people know, I am not confrontational, so in the wake of the results being announced and the fallout afterward from those around me made me cower back into the darkest corners of my mind, if only for a brief respite.
In a recent Facebook group chat, when the topic of the election came up, in my response, I made it clear that I would use my voice to shed some positivity on the world. Hell, I even made an entire blog post regarding my feelings from the election, but I chose not to post it due to the fear and crippling anxiety that I felt about losing my family and friends again – rumination got the better of me.
Original photo taken on 11/5/24
In 2024, I went through the gamut of emotions with what has occurred over the last year - from the small concerns of financial strains and confidence issues to the big guns such as out front health concerns and confronting my thoughts on my family. Yet, through it all, I kept my mantra on repeat, if not in the back of my mind - keep going.
This year was also a crucial one for me on the road to recovery from rumination - I took those mental health days from work. I challenged all of those negative thoughts that clouded my mind, looking for alternative positive solutions, which I managed to achieve in some cases. I limited my social media, including deleting my Twitter (X) account. Finally, I have and will continue to cultivate a social support network - family, friends, coworkers, therapist - to help address my needs and keep my head above water. In turn, I will keep my hand extended and my heart open for them to come to me with anything that they want to speak to me about.
As we enter into a new year, things might look bleak, but I just have to remember to keep going. No matter what kind of a year you have had, I hope that starting tomorrow, you will overcome whatever obstacles stand in your way and that your road leads away from rumination and towards hopefulness.
Happy New Year!
